Put your mind to it

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From a very small age we are told we can be anything we want. When we grow up, if we set our mind to it, we can do anything. Astronaut? President? Pop star? Done son! Just put your mind to it.

Am I complete cynical asshole for thinking this philosophy is bullshit?

When I was a kid there were many things I wanted to be when I grew up. Teacher, author, comedienne. Fast forward, I am a grown up and I’ve done none of these things. I didn’t “put my mind” to shit. I became an adult, got married, worked various jobs and had kids. Is that meaningless? No. Is it all I’m meant to do in life? God I hope not.

I don’t feel like a person anymore. An individual. I feel like a drone who works, pays bills and feels constant guilt that she’s neglecting her children. I have very little “me” time and to be completely honest, don’t know the last time I felt truly content. To put it bluntly, this sucks.

The interwebs are filled with motovational messages about making changes in your life and bettering yourself. But I’m curious, does any of that stuff actually work? I wish I could be the person who just drops everything and does what makes me truly happy but I have this nagging little thing called responsibility that keeps me from changing anything.

I suppose it’s open to interpretation. Some things are easier to change than others. I guess for me the fantasy that is projected in countless books, movies and TV shows is what I have a harder time with. The fantasy that you can make some sort of major change in your life and there won’t be any consequences other than pure happiness. Does that happen in real life? I’ve never witnessed it.

As an adult, my life has been rather tumultuous. I’ve dealt with things that my younger self never imagined I would. These events and situations have helped mold the woman that I am today and for that, I am grateful. But I’m not always happy with that. Sometimes I feel like I’m not the woman I am destined to be. I often think of the grand scheme of life and wonder if I’m living it to the fullest.

I think we all have these moments from time to time. And so I’m going to keep telling myself that it’s normal. As far as what the future holds for me, I don’t know. But I suppose it’s time “I put my mind to it” and find out.

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