Charades

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Having a non verbal child is like playing a continuous game of charades. You observe their every movement, mood, gesture and word, trying desperately to guess what their needs are.

It’s both exasperating and depressing.

Take tonight for example. I came home from working a double and was told Littlest was already asleep. I hate it when this happens and unfortunately, it happens a lot. Cut to thirty minutes later when he starts screaming like someone is trying to kill him. Hubby goes and checks on him, he appears to be fine, so he puts him back in bed. Cut to five minutes later when he screams again. This time I go and he leaps in my arms. He’s clammy and seems kind of scared. My first instinct is that he had a bad dream. And I might be right, but he can’t confirm that.

I brought him downstairs and he was holding on to me tight. He then jumped down, hopped on the couch and requested to watch Yo Gabba Gabba. So that’s what we’re doing. But the bedtime episode, with hopes it subconsciously makes him sleepy.

It’s frustrating. A ton of questions are running through my mind. DID he have a bad dream? Is he sick? Is he hurt? Is he hungry? I just don’t know. As I’m typing this, he’s yawning and rubbing his eyes so I know he is tired.

Sigh.

As much as it frustrates me, it also breaks my heart. I know it’s harder on him than it is on me. Sometimes he looks at me with this look like “um why don’t you get it??” and it makes me feel even worse. I’m doing the best I can and I know that’s all I can do. But it doesn’t make it any easier.

Autism – 1
Mom – 0

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